Inescapable
by paradigmofsecrecy
Summary: James Potter is getting married in two weeks. His fiance wants to know about a love from his past, so she finds Lily Evans. This is the story of how sometimes love isn't enough, yet destiny cannot be denied. SEQUEL NOW UP!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One-

She sat surrounded by the loves of her life as she heard the bell over the door ring signifying a customer's entrance.

"If you need anything, I'm on the last row."

Figuring that the customer would need to find their book first, she did not notice the woman until she was nearly on top of her. She spoke and caused Lily to jump.

"May I speak to your manager?"

Lily looked up concerned.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I just need to speak with your manager."

"I'm the manager."

"Good, then you can help me. Where is the owner?"

"I'm the owner."

The woman looked down her nose at Lily.

"You are Lily Evans?"

"Yes, who's inquiring?"

The woman stood a little taller as she introduced herself.

"I am Nastassia Kilham."

Lily recognized that name from the newspapers. An image of a man from Lily's past flashed in her mind. Lily closed her eyes and sighed.

"Ah, the future Mrs. James Potter."

Stacy smiled briefly before returned to her austere countenance.

"You've read the papers."

Lily stood up. Stacy towered over her by about five inches, but Lily was clearly the intimidator of the two.

"The most famous quidditch player in the last thirty years getting married is bound to be on the populous' minds. In dealing with the public, I hear things."

"Then you know that we're getting married in two weeks."

"Yeah, at his parents' palace in Birminghamshire right?"

"Correct again."

Lily looked at the woman waiting for her to say something. Stacy just stood there observing Lily. Obviously, Stacy found something wrong with Lily.

"Is there something you wanted?"

"Yes, I need to speak with you. Is there somewhere we can go that's more private?"

Lily looked at the clock. Only half an hour until closing.

"I guess I can close early if this is imperative."

"If it weren't, I wouldn't be here."

Lily closed up for the night and went back to Stacy. She led her into the lounge where there was food, drinks, two sofas and a chair. Lily got some pizza and a muggle coke. Stacy sat down on one of the sofas and Lily got comfortable in the chair.

"What do you want?"

"I want the truth."

"The earth is round. It revolves around the sun. The grass is green. The sky is blue. If you throw something up, it is going to come down. You have to be more specific. I know a lot of truths Stacy."

Stacy looked annoyed.

"I want the truth about what happened between you and my fiancé."

"If James didn't tell you, I'm not going to."

"He told me that it was your decision."

Lily took another bite of her pizza and opened her coke. She took a few swallows before she looked back at Stacy.

"What happened between James and me is our business. It is in the past and that's where it is going to stay."

"It's not in the past when it prevents me from knowing the man I am about to marry."

Lily knew that this was not something that she could get married to him without knowing. She always knew that this day would come.

"Fine, I'll tell you the truth you seek, but I'll not do it alone. Everyone who was involved in it must be present. We agreed."

Stacy shook her head and nodded.

"I'll give your response to Jai and will contact you very soon."

Lily lifted her coke up in the air in a toast-like manner.

"Looking forward to it."

The television in Lily's apartment was turned to a game show from the States called Jeopardy. She finished with her meal and sat it down on top of the table in front of the couch. She sat down, put the napkin in her lap, picked up her utensils, and answered the question.

"What is the String Theory?"

She was correct. Halfway through her chicken parmesan, she felt someone trying to apparate into her apartment. No one from the wizarding world ever visited her. She remembered what Stacy said earlier.

'She did say very soon, but my deity!'

Lily let down the safeguard around her apartment, but channeled it so that he could only apparate right in front of her. With an almost inaudible pop, the face of her lost love appeared in front of her. Five years made a big difference. Five years of rigorous Quidditch training made a BIG difference. He couldn't speak for a moment and then finally said the only thing he could think about.

"You are even more beautiful than I remember."

"James, don't start."

"It's good to see you."

He walked closer to her. She smiled up at him from a foot below his 6'3" stature. She hadn't been this close to him since that day five years ago when they decided their futures. He stopped arms length away. She closed the gap and wrapped her arms around his torso. She felt him sigh deeply in contentment as he held her for the first time in half a decade that felt more like half a century. Not moving from their embrace, they conversed.

"Where are we meeting?" –L

"Hogwarts...where it all started." –J

Silence for a moment before James pushed Lily away just enough to look into her no longer vibrant green eyes.

"We don't have to tell Stacy. It's your decision."

Lily searched his eyes.

"James, you can't marry her with her not knowing this."

"It won't change anything. She'll still marry me. It won't affect her as long as she knows that she will be my wife."

Lily scoffed and turned back to the couch. She sat down in front of her food and motioned for James to dig in if he wanted. Of course he did. James Potter never turned down food...especially from his favorite chef.

"We weren't supposed to be this good at reverting to our former selves. Me, alone and happy with my books, and you, surrounded by people and still completely alone."

"We always were good at acting."

James and Lily ate together and talked for about twenty minutes.

"I read that you're getting inducted into the Quidditch Hall of Fame next week. Are you excited?"

"More excited than I've been about anything in a while."

"James...Jamie, you're getting married. That's something..."

"Lily...don't. We both know the truth, so don't play with me."

They finished eating in silence. When all the food was gone, James stood up and extended his hand to Lily. She took it, but cleaned up. When she arrived back into the living room, she found James looking at one of the only two pictures she had in her apartment. She walked up next to him and nuzzled her head into his arm. She felt him wipe away a tear from his darkened eyes.

"You can take that to the meeting. It might help."

James stared at the little black photo of the only thing that could have torn them apart. They left en route to Hogwarts to face a past that neither would fully recover from.

A/N: That's the first chapter. Let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two-

Stacy sat in a room decorated horribly in scarlet and gold. It reminded her of James' office at home. Sirius, Remus, and Albus were already in the room. The only two that were missing were Lily and James. Stacy was beginning to get upset that this was taking so long. What could be so important that she had to go hundreds of miles from home? What was so important that it involved the people closest to James and yet she knew nothing after three years together? What was James hiding?

"They should be here by now. He apparated at 6:30 and it's almost 8. What could possibly be taking this long?"

Sirius piped up from the couch in front of the fireplace. He was enjoying being back in the Gryffindor Common Room even if it was for a painful reason and he didn't want her voice ruining his peace.

"Lily eats at 6:30. Today is Sunday, so she made chicken parmesan. James probably ate with her, then had to wait whilst she cleaned. They'll be here in a bit. So keep your trap shut and stop worrying."

Stacy looked offended by just about everything that he said. She never did like Sirius and could not see why James did. They were so different. She and James often fought about James spending time with his friend. Sirius was a auror. He kept secrets and went on suicide missions. He was dark and cynical. James was none of those things. Her James was bubbly, popular, and ignorant of the dark things in life. He was always so happy with his work and his fame. Their friendship did not make any sense. Stacy heard Remus reprimand Sirius.

"Sirius, be nice to her. She's James' fiance."

Stacy spoke condescendingly to Remus.

"I don't need you to defend me."

Remus looked at her and just rolled his eyes. Stacy didn't know about his furry little secrect, but she did know that Remus couldn't keep a job if he could even find one. He had horrible scars and the weirdest mood swings about the dumbest things. Like how he freaked out at James when she told him that she wanted to get married under a full moon. What was wrong with a full moon?

Albus spoke to Stacy and broke the silence.

"Would you like to play a game of chess?"

Sirius laughed almost bark-like at Albus' suggestion.

"What makes you think that she knows how to play? Nothing but air and gossip in that head of hers."

Stacy was silent because she really didn't know how to play chess, but in desperate need to defend herself. Before she could, Sirius spoke again to Albus.

"C'mon old man, I'll give you game for your money."

"Not a betting man, Sirius."

"Figure of speech, old man. I'm not stupid enough to think that I can win, but I can hope to give you a good run."

Sirius and Albus played their game of chess. Remus sat in a chair off to the side of the fire place, reading his book. Stacy just sat there out of place and out of patience. Finally twenty minutes later, Lily and James walk in. Sirius and Albus stop playing and make their way to the fireplace to talk about the past that none in the room would ever forget. Remus sat up in the chair as Sirius took to sitting on the arm of the chair Rem was in. Sirius put his arm around him and used his free hand to play with his hair. Albus sat in the chair on the other side of the couch as James and Lily sat down on the couch where Stacy was already sitting. The only problem with that was that James had to sit next to the armrest, so Lily was stuck in the middle between the two. Great... Albus started.

"We gather here tonight to relive a grave injustice that took a soul from us too soon and almost took two others. Where should we begin?"

Albus directed the question to everyone. They sat there trying to find the easiest way to describe the worst time of their lives. Lily seemed to be the only one who could find the words, so she began.

"James and I were engaged during our seventh year here at Hogwarts. He proposed to me at Christmas. I accepted, and we began making plans. Only, things didn't go quite as planned. I found out that I was pregnant two months before we were to graduate."

Lily let Stacy absorb this bit of information and gave her the chance to ask questions before Lily moved on.

"The next bit I won't describe to you. It's too painful for both James and I to relive again."

James shifted and pulled something out of his cloak pocket. He enlarged it to reveal a pensieve. He sat it on the table in front of her.

He spoke to her for the first time since his entrance.

"It's all there. Just know that what you see in there is the darkest place any human can ever find within himself."

Stacy looked scared and confused.

" I don't want to go in there alone. Jai, come with me."

James looked at Lily. For one, he hated that stupid nickname. Secondly, Lily knew that he couldn't relive the past. It would kill him to see it like it almost did when he actually went throught it. Lily grabbed his hand and squeezed in reassurance.

"I'll go. "

Stacy looked at Lily in digust.

"I don't want you. I want James. James will come with me."

"No, James won't. I'm going with you."

"James goes or I don't go."

Lily was starting to get angry.

"Look, Nastassia, I really don't want you to know about my life with James, but if he's going to marry you, then he can't keep this secrect any longer. It does not matter one lick to me if you don't experience our past, so don't tempt me and take the offer."

Stacy looked at James because she expected him to give her whatever she wanted like he always did. Then, she noticed that he hadn't let do of Lily's hand. He never held hands with her and she was his fiance! Lily noticed Stacy's averted attention and tried to remove her hand from James', but he clasp it tightly. When James looked at her, she understood.

"All three of us will go."

Stacy looked at Lily.

"I don't want you to go."

Lily stared into James' eyes as she answered.

"James does. He's more important than you are."

Stacy huffed, but all three entered the past with a thud.

_Lily and James sat on his bed, waiting. Neither of them said a word, but both were thinking rapidly. Once the timer sounded, the potion would be ready. Lily finally found a test that she wanted to fail. The timer went off and neither moved from fear. A moment later, Lily braved getting off of the bed. She stood next to it and extended her hand to James. He took it, kiss it, then followed her into the study where the potion was. Lily grabbed a cup and looked at it for a moment. She drank the entire cup and waited. Both of them stopped breathing when Lily began to glow. A halo of pure gold seemed to encase her. Lily began to cry as James reached out to hold her close to him. They moved to a plush chair and just stayed there for what felt like forever. _

Stacy looked at Lily and James. Lily answered.

"That was when we found out that I was pregnant. We weren't ready then for a baby. With time, we began celebrating our miracle."

Stacy looked at James who couldn't take his eyes off of the younger Lily crying in his arms. Stacy saw the look in his eyes. Now and in the younger James, she saw so much love that it almost burned through his eyes. Older James spoke to assumedly older Lily.

"I was so scared to bring a baby into this world."

Stacy looked at him strangely. Younger James didn't looked scared.

"There is so much hate and violence in this world. How could I bring someone into this much turmoil?"

Stacy asked to James.

"What happened? I mean, why isn't the baby here?"

As Stacy asked, the scene changed. She was in a house. It looked familiar. It was James' house in Birminghamshire. Lily was showing slightly. She sat in the nursery in the ugliest clothes Stacy had ever seen. How could James love someone so unkempt? Stacy saw James enter with the post. He looked up at Lily. He tried to act angry, but didn't do a very good job of it.

"_Sexy, I told you not to paint. Especially with that muggle stuff. It's bad for the baby."_

"_I can't use magic, and you weren't home."_

_James walked over to her. He wrapped his arms around her not caring that he was getting paint all over his work robes. He kissed her in small, frequent kisses all over her paint-covered face and neck. Lily giggled. James felt the baby kick._

_"Okay, Princess, I'll stop."_

_Lily smiled. She loved it when James would talk to the baby._

"_Now, my queen, I will paint the room magically tomorrow if the office doesn't call me in on my day off."_

_They kissed again before James began reading the mail. One was addressed to Lily, so he handed it to her._

Stacy felt herself being ripped from the memory and back into the poorly decorated room. She looked around wondering why she was taken from the pensieve. She looked over at James who has stood and was now walking around. Stacy started to get up, but Sirius motioned for her stay seated while Lily got up and went to her fiance! Stacy heard bits and pieces of their conversation.

"Jamie, not...fault..."

"How can you...I gave it..."

" Didn't know...poison..."

Stacy had heard enough. She stood which caused Sirius to stand. The expression on Sirius' face scared Stacy. She spoke.

"What's wrong James? Why are you so upset about a letter?"

James seemed to be ignoring her, but Stacy couldn't look away from her fiance and the red head. James seemed angry, but he was crying. Stacy had never seen him cry. She had seen him deal with broken bones and various other Quidditch related injuries, but not once had he cried. James was holding Lily tightly to him. Lily was so small that close to James, but she looked to be the one supporting him. Stacy couldn't see them talking, but after a few moments, James pulled Lily far enough back to look at her face. Lily felt his hand over one of her eyes and down her face as he carressed her. She felt his thumb on her lips and caught his eyes. She nodded and touched the hand that was on her face gently. James nodded back then went out the portrait hole to walk around to help him calm down. Lily watched him leave. Stacy tried to follow him, but Lily stopped her.

"Leave him alone. He needs peace now, not questions."

Stacy was so angry after watching her future husband with his hands on this...miscreant that she pulled her hand back to slap Lily. Before she could even get it all the way back, Albus grabbed her as Remus and Sirius jumped between them. Albus' eyes flashed dangerously. Sirius almost snarled at her whilst Remus looked at Stacy condescendingly. Albus spoke calmly though forcefully.

"You might refrain, Miss. Kilham. Striking Lily wouldn't be a good idea."

"Oh please. She's no match for me."

Sirius' words were sharp like knives.

"You are so unworthy of her presense. She is more..."

"Sirius, be nice. She can't be faulted for her ignorance."

Sirius accepted the answer and everyone backed down. Everyone settled in. Lily began again.

"The letter that you saw James give to me was from Voldemort."

Stacy shuddered at the name.

"I don't understand why You-Know-Who would send you a letter, but I do understand why that would upset Jai."

"You're not supposed to understand. That's why you're not telling the story. If you'd shut up and let me tell you, then you would understand."

Stacy just huffed, so Lily continued.

"The letter had poison on it. A poison that would cause the baby to slowly die. That caused the baby to take more nutrients and energy from me, so it also almost killed me. I was staying with Remus because James and Sirius were gone on a mission. Remus noticed, but he just figured that I was getting a cold. By the time James came back to us, I could barely move from weakness and I was having horrible stomach pains."

Lily had started off strong, but her strength dwindled the more she retold the most awful time in her life. Remus came and sat next to Lily, so that he was now between the two women. He embraced Lily and tried to give her some of his strength. He began where Lily left off.

"By the time James got her to Mungos, she was unconscious. The healers figured out what poison was used and they found the cure. The crisis was that the cure would kill the baby. So James had to choose between killing his baby or watching them both die slowly. He made the hardest decision of his life. He gave Lily the cure. He wouldn't even let the healers do it. He wanted to do it himself. He saved Lily, but he couldn't save their daughter. That's why James freaked out about the letter. He still blames himself."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three-

Stacy just sat there. Everything that she thought she knew about James was completely wrong, but maybe they could still make it work. She could learn more and keep him away from Lily. They would get married and she could give him a child even though she didn't want children. James would take care of it and then she could give him something that Lily couldn't. Speaking of Lily...

"What happened to the relationship after Lily got better? Did you blame him for what happened?"

"Good heavens, no. I was still madly in love with James through everything, but he changed. It was hard for James to be happy with me around because I think I was a constant reminder of what he sees as his greatest sin. I couldn't watch him constantly hate himself, so for his benefit, I called off the engagement. He needed to deal with things in his own time by himself. He needed to learn how to be able to feel again. He needed a new beginning...a new life. One without me in it. He started playing Quidditch because when he was flying; he was free. He found you and then he really started living a new life. A superficial life that wouldn't have problems or complications. His new life is easy. That's what he wants."

"Are you telling me that James is marrying me because he wants an easy life?"

"I'm telling you that I dated James for 13 months, five years ago and even I can tell that you don't know him at all."

"Oh, yeah, well..."

Lily waited for her to say something, but Stacy just moved her mouth like a fish out of water. Lily got up and started to leave.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To go get your fiance, so you two can go back to your perfect little world."

"I'll go. He is _my _fiance after all."

"Uh, no, because when you get lost, I'm not going to look for you. So just sit here, look like a model. You're semi-talented at that."

"I've been Witch Weekly's Hottest Model 19 times."

"Such an accomplishment."

Lily turned and left. She walked to the hidden room on the floor and found James. He looked to her. He spoke quietly.

"Do you remember this room?"

Lily smiled at the memory of James convincing her to skive off classes. They would come here sometimes and talk for hours, and sometimes only three words were uttered.

"Somethings cannot be forgotten."

James looked so sad.

"I have to marry her Lily. If not, then she would leave me alone again. "

"Jamie, all those who matter know why you're marrying her. She'll never be me, but she can give you children."

"Another thing the poison took from us. Not just our child, but the chance of having any more children. But, I refuse to have children with anyone if I can't have them with you."

Lily gently touched his face.

"Jamie, you shouldn't punish yourself so. You and I both know that truth. Beyond reason, time, distance, you and I will only ever be truly happy with each other. This truth is why I've chosen celibacy. You've chosen to try to live a new life."

James hugged her.

"I hate that you're alone."

Lily pulled away hurt. James understood why. He didn't hate it enough to come back to her. He tried to get her back. She turned on him and spoke forcefully.

"Don't James. I came to tell you that it is done. Go back to your life. Live happily ever after."

Lily turned around to leave. James spoke barely a whisper.

"Does it pain you in the least to see me with her?"

Lily didn't turn her body, but she did turn her head to the side.

"It pains me more that you lie when you tell her that you love her. It pains me more that you close your eyes when you have sex with her. What pains me most, is the knowledge that no matter how much I love...you won't come back. Seeing you with her is not that big a deal compared to the truths that she will never know."

With that, Lily walked out of the room. She walked out of the castle. She walked out of Hogsmeade. She walked out of their lives.

October 23rd-

Sirius was the best man. He loved James more than his blood family, but Sirius knew how stupid James was being. He couldn't tell James how to live his life, so Sirius just sat back and did whatever James asked of him. The wedding was tomorrow. The bachelor party was tonight. Tonight was the last night that James could do whatever he wanted. They all sat around at Sirius and Remus' apartment.

"James, what do you want to do tonight?"

"You're kinda looking at it."

Sirius was disappointed.

"James, this is your last night as a bachelor. There has to be something you want to do."

"Nothing that I couldn't do after the wedding if I wanted."

The guys got out photo albums and looked at all the pictures of them from school. Every picture of James seemed to have Lily in it.

"I want to see her."

Sirius and Remus looked at him sadly.

"You can't. She took an assignment the day after we got back from Hogwarts. No one knows where she is except Dumbledore. No one's seen her."

Remus looked worried. James wondered why.

"Why are you two worried for her?"

Sirius looked at Remus.

"Albus came to me that day at Hogwarts and asked me if I would go on assignment. I didn't take it because he didn't know how long it would last and I didn't want to miss the wedding. He offered it to Lily."

Now James looked worried also. Sirius only went on undercover missions for the Order. If Lily took it, then she would be in deep.

"What was the mission about? Did he tell you?"

"He explained a little before I told him I couldn't."

"What did he say?"

"I can't say, but even without the wedding, I would have thought twice about taking it. She's in deep undercover. The kind that she might not come out of."

James stood up and began to pace.

"Why would she take such a suicidal assignment?"

Sirius cocked one eyebrow and caught James' attention.

"Me! She wouldn't do this because of me."

Remus commented darkly.

"Maybe she got tired of just being alive. She wanted to live again."

"That's no reason to go in and risk your life!"

"When people lose everything, they tend to get suicidal."

James' eyes turned dark brown.

"Don't bring that up. I had lost everything."

"Not Lily."

"I didn't deserve her!"

Sirius looked at him wisely.

"She deserved you. She deserved to be happy after everything that happened. But instead of seeing what you still had, you could only see the baby and the chance that you lost. That's when you gave up on her. Then, you did lose everything."

James leaned against a wall. He stood for a moment, then slid down into a ball on the floor. He had ruined everything and now he may not get the chance to see Lily again.

"I have to find her. I have to get her out of where ever she is."

Sirius looked at him like he was crazy until he saw that James was sincere.

"You can't find her. Even if Albus tells you, which he won't, you'll blow her cover and then she will be killed."

"I have to go see Albus."

James strode across the room and threw some powder in the fire and spoke "Headmaster's Office- Hogwarts!" He disappeared. Sirius and Remus followed. They arrived and found James frantic. They found out the reason as they got closer. Lily was lying there in Albus' office. Albus was calling for the nurse. James kneeled beside the couch and held Lily's hand, kissing it lightly.

"Lily, baby, you have to wake up. I need to see your eyes."

Apparently, Lily heard him. Her eyes fluttered open, then closed quickly. It was enough for James. He leaned over her and kissed her face. A little calmer now, James took a look at her injuries. He could only see an inch of the skin on her stomach, but the cuts made him lift her shirt higher. He noticed the bruises and slashes and burns on her ribs. She was bleeding, but not gushing. Pomfrey and Albus arrived, so James backed off. He watched as they fixed what they could. After about half and hour, Poppy and Albus approached him.

"How is she?"

"If she can make it to morning, then she'll be okay."

"Poppy suggested moving her, but not far, so I'll be putting her in one of the bedrooms next to mine."

James stared at them.

"Is there anything I can do?"

Albus looked at him sadly.

"Get ready for your wedding."

James looked shocked.

"But..."

"James, she can't have you one moment, then lose you the next. She can't take it. I know everyone thinks that she's so strong because she can watch you marry someone else and not do anything about it, but she is more self-destructive than I've ever seen anyone. Some of the scars are her doing. Apparently, you weren't the only one who tried to end the pain. The difference is, her's are recent."

James knew that he had to decide right then what he was going to do. If he was going to get married to Stacy, then he'd have to leave now and never look back. The thought of leaving Lily hurt him. The thought of her being alone hurt him. The thought of living without her, hurt him. Now, it hurt enough. He hurt enough now to walk away from his fake life. He smiled for the first time in five years.

"I'm staying."

Albus nodded gently. Sirius and Remus smiled to each other. They were so happy that James was finally coming to his senses. Sirius kissed his boyfriend before he joined James and Albus in moving Lily. They weren't going far, but James was taking extreme caution. Once they got her settled, Albus stayed with her. James and Sirius had wedding details to cancel.


End file.
